d’Month

Wokay here I hit one month of joblessness

And it has been a real weirdo period of time. The at most priority thing on the list has been killing time. And I have to admit I failed in that aspect real bad . My days have been all the same for the past one month, a bit of change in between if at all, otherwise it’s been all the same. The same boring life for a month, damn I need a change . Change in what way I don’t know actually, I have been killing time some way or the other, watching movies (it consumed a hell lot of my time, cant even recollect the amount of movies I saw. Most of which actually I have seen many times), the new found love for Twitter (a.k.a Micro Blogging, guess just now I got time to explore it), trying to sleep (yes am still not able to sleep properly, and the amount of mosquitoes are really not helpful), smoking (yes indeed I have been smoking like crazy, I have nothing else to do, all day long its a pleasing friend. It has some how become a part of me, for a person like me, yeah I would call smokes ma friend), guess that’s it I did all day, eating as usual was not happening, and now limited to dinner :p, oh yeah towards the end I filled ma iPhone with applications (kinda), how can I miss Facebook games , then the Mumbai blasts kept me busy looking for info, basically did a lot of stuff online, kind off EXPLORING THE WEB!

So what actually changed during this course of time? Well I don’t know if I know, am confused as ever. But somethings have changed in and around me. Don’t know if I can bring them up, cos I don’t know how to explain. But basically I feel am becoming more self centered, more possessive, more worried, and that kinda shit. I don’t know actually whats happening, I have kinda lost touch with the outside world. More people getting mad at me, I know somewhere people are getting me wrong completely, hope I could change that, hope is all I have, and none of faith cos faith is something that’s non existing :p. Basically everything around me seems blurred, everything there but nothing clear, the very confused stage. I think I have forgot how to smile, and that’s what the worst part that has happened to me Actually nah I can’t explain what has been happening to me, the weirdness at it’s best :p. I am liking to be alone more, cos am falling in love with the darkness, which has just me around, and am loving it, loving that feeling. The feeling which has evolved to such a level now that I don’t pick up ma phone and bug anyone, I don’t even care to reply to msgs. World is getting better I guess. At least better from the good riddance of me )).

Woho now I gotta share one huge list, the huge list of movies I saw. Some of them real sad. Damn the sad part is the movie collection is almost over so I guess now I really gotta find a job :p

40 Year Old Virgin
A Love Song for Bobby
A Scanner Darkly
Analyze That
Analyze This
Be Cool
Before Sunise
Before Sunset
Beverly Hills Cops (1,2,3)
Bill
Black Cat
Blue Crush
Capote
Catch Me If You Can
Cinderella Man
C Kkompany
Cocktail
Corpse Bride
Definitely, Maybe
Dodgeball
Donnie Brasco
Dostana
Dumb and Dumber
Equilibrium
Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas
Final Solution
First Sunday
Fracture
Gone in 60 Seconds
Good Will Hunting
Hancock
Harold and Kumar
Get Shorty
Knight Rider
Kung Fu Panda
Lady chaterly
Lethal Weapon-The Complete Collection
Little Children
Little Miss Sunshine
Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Lucky Number Slevin
Man of the year
Match Point
Madambi
Miami Vice
MinnaminniKoottam
Munich
Mystic River
Of Love and Shadows
Persepolis
Philadelphia
Pulp Fiction
Quantum of Solace
Reservoir Dogs
Rounders
School For Scoundrels
Seabiscuit
Serendipity
Shawshank Redemption
Sicko
Singh Is Kinng
Snatch
Starsky & Hutch
Stranger Than Fiction
Street Kings
Superbad
Superman Doomsday
Taken
The Bank Job
The Darjeeling Limited
The Fast and the Furious-Tokyo Drift
The Hoax
The Hole
The Jason Bourne Movie Collection
The Usual Suspects
Thomas Crown Affair
Thursday
Transporter Collection
Twenty 20
V For Vendetta
Zodiac
Across The Universe
City Of Angels
Fast Times At Ridgemont High
Forrest Gump
Goldeneye
Good Fellas
National Treasure Book Of Secrets
The Departed
Water
We Own The Night

Now the list does not end, I just can’t remember names right now, everything is so so so blurred, blah if I linked all the above mentioned movies to IMDB, then one can imagine how jobless I am :p. Seriously I didn’t feel bored :0) well time for another smoke, guess post that I will hit the publish button

Something came intoma mind! I no longer can remember what I wante to add! phew anyways!

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¡ʍouʞ ʇouuɐɔ uosɐǝɹ ʇɐɥʇ suosɐǝɹ sʇı sɐɥ ʇɹɐǝɥ ǝɥʇ˙˙˙ןıssoɟ

lOsT n WeIrD!…

hmmm!
Somethings happening to me!
I just feel lost!
I don’t know how to explain this!
As always am kinda bad @explaining things!…
blah…
but then am not able to realize what is happening!
I just feel lost! lost in the crowd!

like a deep ocean!
only the edges feel the shore!
deep inside, am all alone!
on the shore, I try to make others happy
try to make others feel happy, nice
but still all alone…like the no mans land
like the vast blue sky
with all ma thoughts around me, and me around all ma thoughts,
the tiniest fish to the whale, feel good
but still i feel lost’
lost in ma own life’
lost in ma own weirdness’
it dsnt freak me out, but still I feel something,
Something I cant explain

Just like the weird life I live, everything associated to me seems weird!
and that me being me!
LOST & WEIRD
that’s how complicatedly lost, weird and confused ma life is’ nah I AM!

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fOsSiL…the heart has its reasons that reason cannot know!!!

dAy’S iN lIfE!…

days in life…
go by like none other…
everyday different…
like every human around…
try to chart your day…u never will…

thats how true life goes…
one expects something.
but never happens so…

life where every bit of a second counts…
one never knows, where headed to..
why does everything so complicated..or seems so?
complexity where eveyhing keeps changing!
for good o bad…thats ones own take on it!
but or those who believe …what ever happens is or good’…
i got just one thing to say…
YOU ARE JUST ONE BIG LOOSER!

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fOsSiL…the heart has its reasons that reason cannot know!!!

iNnEr CiRcLe!…

hmmm…
how attached can friends be?
for me its a very close circle…n almost like the fevicol bond
and this is a long due post regarding all of those in the iNnEr CiRcLe!…
in no order no complications no complaints

Achanji!…
yes! the one and only actually i would say has the right to be on top
he is THE family for me…rest don’t exist…i don’t know if i can call him a friend..he is way above that!

Darklord!…
that’s what he used to call himself, then he changed to capt. JACK…which we named rohit’s DOG’s name as …so as of now he dosn’t have a name
he is the bigB..both in character n SIZE man he dsn’t allow me to smoke also
a sweet big guy..lazy with lot of energy..he he…
he is a big bro to all…everyone is afraid of him…

Meani a.k.a little angel!…
angel is one of the newest part of ma life…a true lil angel sister…
don’t really know how she tolerates me…wastes all the energy she has shouting @me…trying to make me talk..or lets say @least respond
she has gone though a hell…i never know how to respond to her…

bOzZ!…
this guy das is a sweetheart of all…
have never seen him serious…he try’s hard to be at times…lazy bum of all!
but something is hidden in him..some kinda magnetic power which keeps him close to all…
he is almost like me when it some to keeping things to himself…a darkhole..
know him for donkey years …have not ever got tired of him…
oh how can i miss it! who ever meets him can’t miss hitting him…
he is our de-stresser

bUbBlE!…
first as the world knows….she is ma bhabhi!
a person who knows me inside out….whom i tell everything…in its every single detail…
life without her would have been so boring…
to all the heck of it …bcos of her i became a broker…at a time when i didn’t even know her…
but now i don’t regret…

mandan!…
this guy is the so called health and beauty conscious hunk or hulk
he is the only so called macho man…n for that one reason i like beating him hard!

a guy with a tag attached to his name..SINCE 1925 …

he asks me not let the smoke out of ma nose…i will die soon with cancer it seems..hmmm

aMaDa!…

okay this girl i know for about 2+ years…but it seems to be like ages n ages…

i had never expected her to enter the inner circle…but she has and am glad about that!
its almost like she is ma boZZzzz…i give her daily report sheet! oh yeah and also bitch!
i love irritating her…she hates me for that…
over a period of time i have given her lot of names starting from panther(pink panther fame) to aMaDa!
she is ma sweetheart who always wants to bash me up(ma luck that it has not happened yet )
am just too used to irritating her with all ma problems..she likes it or not she listens to it…she is special to me
she is like a mamma ..but i cant call her so…damm i have given her a promise..
so far i have done everything (except one) i told her i will…i have a lot of respect for you aMaDa

sarah!…
what do i say about her…
we became close in a very very short span…
but thanks to the circumstances and situations we rarely interact now..
all i gotta say is she is a real jewel …a real sweetheart!

ducky!..
She is another sweet sis of mine…
but she is angry with me for months…i know its ma mistake…but she refuses to take ma apologies..:(
she is one person who has actually guessed ma mood despite ma best try to hide the worst
she is a big pavam nanny…n now a family women! nah family girl!

mOmMiE!…
yes she is a real mommie…
when i started calling her mommie she actually reduced the amount she advices me…
but later i realized how much i missed those talks and fights….
there was a point when i would not even let her study…bcos i wanted talk..she would beg to keep the phone..but never cut the call!
she is a BigS jus like the BigB!…someone i would listen to blindly, but not without argument!
us wont be us, if we don’t argue right mOmIE?

bJ!…be blessed!
here is a gem of all in all kinds!
she is person who is so sweet…that you will actually forget what is happening around you!
i always don’t have anything to say about her…she is above all words…
distance has never come in between us…
we never have much to talk…kinda frequent chat and calls just to know everything is okay!

rohit!…
wokay this guy is ass of the first order! mad and crazy!
lazy beyond thought…
we have enjoyed lots …done lots stupid things…
what do i say…we have just njoy’d life!

smitha!…
between us all i can think is of are those fights we used to have…
we were so close at a point of time…that bills were beyond that could be controlled
over a period of time..distance came in between n all we are left is with memories..the sweet old memories!
memories which are beyond words…wish she was near me, so that i could still fight
i know i have made you cry and all…but nothing was intended …hmmm

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fOsSiL…the heart has its reasons that reason cannot know!!!

cIrClE oF lIfE!…

When does the circle of life start of a person?
When a person starts to think about himself or even way beyond anything imaginative to that person? From ma thoughts i would say its the later. Now arises a question WHY? AND I GUESS I DO HAVE THE ANSWER!..

From my point of view a person is in the so called circle of life when any one of the so called parent category even thinks of a family, or of anything with regards to future of it! WHY SO? Well its a very simple logic. From that very moment onwards one starts to think long ahead about the future. The future which is virtually unknown. They start thinking about stuff that doesn’t even exist, and stuff which won’t even exist in the near future at all.

The biggest harm to the human kind are these second hand non existent dreams. Dreams which don’t have an aim. Dreams which are subjective. Dreams which are only depended on the external factors. Dreams which are more than life’s values to some. Dreams which cause even the slightest happiness to just shatter away.

THATS THE cIrClE oF lIfE for me!…

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fOsSiL…the heart has its reasons that reason cannot know!!!