d’Month

Wokay here I hit one month of joblessness

And it has been a real weirdo period of time. The at most priority thing on the list has been killing time. And I have to admit I failed in that aspect real bad . My days have been all the same for the past one month, a bit of change in between if at all, otherwise it’s been all the same. The same boring life for a month, damn I need a change . Change in what way I don’t know actually, I have been killing time some way or the other, watching movies (it consumed a hell lot of my time, cant even recollect the amount of movies I saw. Most of which actually I have seen many times), the new found love for Twitter (a.k.a Micro Blogging, guess just now I got time to explore it), trying to sleep (yes am still not able to sleep properly, and the amount of mosquitoes are really not helpful), smoking (yes indeed I have been smoking like crazy, I have nothing else to do, all day long its a pleasing friend. It has some how become a part of me, for a person like me, yeah I would call smokes ma friend), guess that’s it I did all day, eating as usual was not happening, and now limited to dinner :p, oh yeah towards the end I filled ma iPhone with applications (kinda), how can I miss Facebook games , then the Mumbai blasts kept me busy looking for info, basically did a lot of stuff online, kind off EXPLORING THE WEB!

So what actually changed during this course of time? Well I don’t know if I know, am confused as ever. But somethings have changed in and around me. Don’t know if I can bring them up, cos I don’t know how to explain. But basically I feel am becoming more self centered, more possessive, more worried, and that kinda shit. I don’t know actually whats happening, I have kinda lost touch with the outside world. More people getting mad at me, I know somewhere people are getting me wrong completely, hope I could change that, hope is all I have, and none of faith cos faith is something that’s non existing :p. Basically everything around me seems blurred, everything there but nothing clear, the very confused stage. I think I have forgot how to smile, and that’s what the worst part that has happened to me Actually nah I can’t explain what has been happening to me, the weirdness at it’s best :p. I am liking to be alone more, cos am falling in love with the darkness, which has just me around, and am loving it, loving that feeling. The feeling which has evolved to such a level now that I don’t pick up ma phone and bug anyone, I don’t even care to reply to msgs. World is getting better I guess. At least better from the good riddance of me )).

Woho now I gotta share one huge list, the huge list of movies I saw. Some of them real sad. Damn the sad part is the movie collection is almost over so I guess now I really gotta find a job :p

40 Year Old Virgin
A Love Song for Bobby
A Scanner Darkly
Analyze That
Analyze This
Be Cool
Before Sunise
Before Sunset
Beverly Hills Cops (1,2,3)
Bill
Black Cat
Blue Crush
Capote
Catch Me If You Can
Cinderella Man
C Kkompany
Cocktail
Corpse Bride
Definitely, Maybe
Dodgeball
Donnie Brasco
Dostana
Dumb and Dumber
Equilibrium
Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas
Final Solution
First Sunday
Fracture
Gone in 60 Seconds
Good Will Hunting
Hancock
Harold and Kumar
Get Shorty
Knight Rider
Kung Fu Panda
Lady chaterly
Lethal Weapon-The Complete Collection
Little Children
Little Miss Sunshine
Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Lucky Number Slevin
Man of the year
Match Point
Madambi
Miami Vice
MinnaminniKoottam
Munich
Mystic River
Of Love and Shadows
Persepolis
Philadelphia
Pulp Fiction
Quantum of Solace
Reservoir Dogs
Rounders
School For Scoundrels
Seabiscuit
Serendipity
Shawshank Redemption
Sicko
Singh Is Kinng
Snatch
Starsky & Hutch
Stranger Than Fiction
Street Kings
Superbad
Superman Doomsday
Taken
The Bank Job
The Darjeeling Limited
The Fast and the Furious-Tokyo Drift
The Hoax
The Hole
The Jason Bourne Movie Collection
The Usual Suspects
Thomas Crown Affair
Thursday
Transporter Collection
Twenty 20
V For Vendetta
Zodiac
Across The Universe
City Of Angels
Fast Times At Ridgemont High
Forrest Gump
Goldeneye
Good Fellas
National Treasure Book Of Secrets
The Departed
Water
We Own The Night

Now the list does not end, I just can’t remember names right now, everything is so so so blurred, blah if I linked all the above mentioned movies to IMDB, then one can imagine how jobless I am :p. Seriously I didn’t feel bored :0) well time for another smoke, guess post that I will hit the publish button

Something came intoma mind! I no longer can remember what I wante to add! phew anyways!

–
¡ʍouʞ ʇouuɐɔ uosɐǝɹ ʇɐɥʇ suosɐǝɹ sʇı sɐɥ ʇɹɐǝɥ ǝɥʇ˙˙˙ןıssoɟ

Yet again, just a year’ 4th October! When was that?

Yet again, just a year’

Yet again just a year to pass by. Am a year older’ am I? Am more mature’ am I? Am more confused’ yes I am!

I have lots a questions about maself that I don’t know or rather I never wanna realize’ WHY??? I donu! I have learned not to expect anything from anyone’ anything for that matter of fact! I tried changing, but that didn’t help me in anyway’ the only thing I have learned out of this freak life is don’t expect a thing in return! Nothing is mine forever’ the day I tried to change the way I was, for anyone out there, (for that matterof fact) in front of you, I was just killing maself’

Everyone used the name of God saying’ it’s the way God planned the life for you’ I SAID FUCK GOD, stop being a coward! I was not against the concept of God or anything for that matter, I just hated the way the word or concept of so called GOD was used by everyone as an excuse to run away from life! Everyone is happy to change but me nah I was so happy before the change, what change I have gone through has killed me not knowing to what extend! Blah blah’

Yes it’s a year more! Am a year older! Wait letme calculate! Oh am 24 now’ man I hate it! So much life left! No one will believe but actually I was thinking of death’ what is actually the use of living? For me life without rules make sense, I have been thinking about what change really will come up after ma death’ muhahaha I don’t the see any change around me post ma death, not that I will know! But I don’t sense or see any reason that ma death will actually make a difference :p ooops it’s a birth day and am talking about death day, now that makes me smile good! :p ho yeah I love to smile’ that’s why I guess am better known to be happily INSANE!!!

I hate it when I realize how bad I am’ when I realize that I actually don’t wanna change the way I am’ and more than all that when I refuse to respect maself! But nothing really can be done about it! ;p

Life is best explained to me as a lost journey’ a journey which ones afraid to travel’ a journey, path of which I am afraid to explore, nah not afraid, but I don’t care to explore!

Woha what a day to talk about all this’ ooopz what a night’ am too tired to even think’ or even to stop thinking’

Here now in the 24th year of insaness I wish maself more insaness, n to all around me :p

Don’t know how’s the day gonna be! All I hope is to lazy around! Try to sleep’ nice to be in sleepy mode’ Zzzzz’

Years of insaness
Years of crazyness
Years of torture
Years of blah blah
Years of same to continue I guess!

gÑçD’! Well not gonna sleep cos as of now am working late’ and 2maro too at work’ WOW what a day’ am gonna love it’ damn can’t lazy around! So adiós’ I need a drink’ which I don’t have’ though officially I have a CHAMPAGNE bottle in ma custody!… :p oh no am 24..but now I gotta get back to work!

–
fOsSiL…the heart has its reasons that reason cannot know!!!

I don’t know "if" am dreaming!…

I don’t know “if” am dreaming!…

I don’t know “if” am dreaming!
I don’t know “if” things happening around me are really happening!
I don’t know “if” am actually blind or acting one!
I don’t know “if” am thinking!

I don’t know why I am trying to connect “if” and “dreaming”

I don’t know “if” am acting “dumb” or “smart”

I refuse to understand the way world functions..am not saying am
taking up the challenge of challenging the world, on how it functions!
All I know is the world means zero to me, for the way it is! For the
amount to “hate” around…for the nil amount of “love” around…for
the amount of selfish insequrity that floats around….

I won’t try to change things around…I won’t try to run! I would just
try to live! Living not means just brething…it means getting
involved into the aspects of life’ the aspects which you and I as a
normal person never wanna think about! We love to live our life as
just anybody else does! Everyone might be different in the biological
sense…but if one tries to see the lifestyle it’s just a carbon copy
of crowd around you! We all live in such mechanical life
structure…that we don’t even realize what actually is happening
around! HERE ACTUALLY AM JUST TALKING ABOUT MA LIFE too…it’s all so
so mechanized that at least I feel to say enough enough..enough is
enough not cos am gonna change the world but just cos am fed up
with the mechanical lifestyle…

I don’t wanna fight, I just wish for a difference in outlook towards
life..an outlook which will actually be some thing on the lines of a
nomadic life..where one gets to understand the difference of a
mechanical life and life where one enjoys life, where money and all
blah doesn’t mean anything (I guess am happily dreaming here about
things that are just to be dreamt off).

Lives never gonna be simpler.. One is at a stage that no one actually
means anything at all without solid cash..cash runs the world cash
runs every single one of us..you and me!

All think is “if” the present world was a dream! I don’t know how the
old world was” I just wanna dream of a better world..a better life..

A world where atleat everyones equal..atleast no one would
fight..atleast no one would throw bombs in the name of so called
religion..I hope no one will be there to hate!…

fOssil…the heart has it’s reasons that reason cannot know!!!